Saturday again. Life gets worse.

What a hellish week it has been. I didn't know that the satellite incident was just the beginning of the crap that was waiting for me.

I sent an e-mail to my son (Lochinvar) asking him if he would like to come to tea one Sunday.
Lochinvar was a beautiful clean-living handsome man but he was somewhat naive. He travelled to Thailand on business. Whilst there something strange crawled out of the gutter whilst he was walking through Bankok. She looked about 17 years old. All sweetness and innocence. Lochinvar, who knew very little about women, instantly became besotted. He decided that this exotic helpless creature needed him. What he had failed to notice was the pound signs in her eyes.

Surprisingly, the creature was red hot in bed. Lochinvar was still a virgin, so his experience of bonking was limited. However, the creature from the black lagoon knew quite a lot about how to please a man.

Lochinvar believed himself to be in love. So he stayed longer in Bankok. He even worked on half salary just to be close to the object of his erection.
They lived together in an apartment where her sister also lived. She had two boys who Lochinvar couldn't bear because they were feral, never having been instructed in the art of obedience and good manners.

Soon Lochinvar had to return to the UK and after spending every single penny he had in order to bring Spit to England, he couldn't understand what the hold up was. Only then did she reveal to him that the two obnoxious boys were hers. They were sent to live with her mother immediately in the family garage. Yes, it really was a garage. It appeared that Spit's mother suffered from the same optical affliction as her daughter.
Spit's dad had little to offer on account of quite literally drinking himself blind. So he couldn't get out much and could only visit the local watering hole with the assistance of one of his friends. Coming back again was even more treacherous.

To cut this long saga short, Spit arrived in the UK where she proceeded to poison all of Lochinvar's friends and family. It turned out that this sweet innocent little thing was somewhat older than he had first thought.
In fact she was older than him and rapidly approaching 30. Spit knew that she must act very quickly in dispensing with everyone who was close to Lochinvar. The biggest threat was his mother. Lochinvar, clearly loved his mother and trusted her advice. She had to be eliminated.

Over the past few years Spit has tried several times to get Lochinvar to hate his mother and cut her out of his life altogether. She also had to ensure that there was no way that she could easily be sent back to Thailand and
lo and behold, she was pregnant. Now Spit had real ammunition and Lochinvar, being a man of principle, decided to provide a home for Spit
and her bump.

Spit's baby turned out to be beautiful and very lovable. So she decided that she would prevent Lochinvar's mother from having anything to do with it.
But there was a problem. Spit's sister, Snort also lived in the UK with another Englishman but she was too far away to visit. So Spit decided that what she needed was a car but Lochinvar had never learned to drive. This put Spit into a rage. Lochinvar made feeble attempts to placate Spit but realised that in order to have a quiet life he must do everything she demanded of him. But he was taking too long and Spit wanted to go out and have fun. She took to drinking all day because she hated England and English people who she shunned. She frequently flew into uncontrollable tempers during which she smashed anything that was within her grasp. She beat Lochinvar as hard as she could but he did not retaliate. He just worked harder so that he could satisfy all her wishes.

At this point Spit was forced to allow Lochinvar's mother back into their lives because it was the only way that she could go out and party with Lochinvar. This was her favourite thing to do. In the end Lochinvar asked his mother if she would drive the considerable distance to their house and look after N, the baby . Because Lochinvar's mother had been excluded as much as possible, she was worried that N didn't really know her and might be traumatised if he saw his parents leave without him. So she declined.

By that time Lochinvar had passed his test and bought a car. Not unreasonably, his mother, who was very tired, thought that it was time that Lochinvar came to her and she was even prepared to let them stay the night even though Spit had previously smashed up her house. She explained her reasons to Lochinvar but Spit flew into another rage and she was filled with venom and hate.

to be continued;